Closet Accordion Players of America

Who can become a member? Anyone who can mark at least ONE of the following statements as “true”:

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• You know the difference between Frankie Yankovich and Weird Al Yankovich.

• You can play the “Clarinet Polka.”

• You know who Myron Floren or Dick Contino was.

• You once played the accordion in a Kiwanis Stars of Tomorrow Talent Show.

• You can play absolutely anything in polka time.

• If you are female, you are tired of speculation about how you keep your breasts from getting caught in the bellows, or whether or not there is such a thing as a “C” cup accordion.

• You know what the “bellow shakes” are.

• You grit your teeth when you hear the words “Beer Barrel Polka” or “How’s about a little ‘Lady of Spain?’” (Contrary to popular belief, accordionists do know other songs.)

• You wish someone like Justin Timberlake, George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, Beyonce, Selena Gomez, or some other hot celebrity would take up the accordion.

• You’ve got at least one accordion stashed in a closet somewhere, or sitting in your mother’s basement.

• You don’t play the accordion yourself, but you love someone who does.

• You don’t play the accordion yourself, but you have the good sense to wish you did.

•  You are willing to take the following pledge: I solemnly swear, if I ever dress up as a nerd on Halloween, never, ever to use an accordion as part of my costume.

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